Some Thoughts

Do you ever get a really great idea while you are driving to work, and then instead of being able to write it down you just have to do some mundane, mind-numbing bullshit for eight hours? This happens to me almost every time I go to work, and sometimes on the can.
The government should pay me as an economic stimulator. Here’s the deal, I’ll go out and buy a shit-load of crap. It’s that simple.

They say that part of the auto industry bailout stipulates that they actually work on producing vehicles that are fuel efficient which means looking into hybrid engines and energy recapture technology and electric engines. The thing is the auto industry should have been working on these things a LONG FUCKING TIME AGO. Luckily though, the industry has figured out how to make a whole bunch of shitty rental cars. Also, compounding this problem is the fact that we are all really stupid and have no long term memory. Now that gas is cheaper than two bucks a gallon we don’t give a fuck anymore, so thanks guys but we won’t be needing hybrid cars anymore. Fire up your H2, drive over the first Insight you see, the mother-fucking recession is over!

Apparently in California if you stick your hand out your window, palm facing backwards, fingers spread (or clutching an i-phone), you can then aggressively merge left without regard to anything at all except how much harder and faster you need to stroke your ego. Also, if you wear sunglasses and act like a douche, it turns out that you are still just a loser who wishes he/she were part of the “it” crowd. Oh, and even if you drive a nice car and wear expensive clothes, your bad grammar makes you sound like an idiot.

 

The pope recently said that the church opposes the use of condoms. What the fuck? He also said that condoms help SPREAD the HIV virus. I don’t even know where to start with that. First off, for the record, that is just plain incorrect. Condoms do more than anything else to stem the spread of AIDS. Maybe the pope just hates Africa.

 

I hear about everyone losing their jobs. That totally sucks. On the bright side, at least you don’t have to go to work. I recently didn’t work for two months. The first month was good. Then it sucked.

I’ve been listening to Pearl Jam VS on the way to work lately. Rearview mirror is awesome.

So we’ve all been enjoying this recession that Bush was so kind to give us, but I think I’ve had enough. I would like the economy to be fixed now. If we could just say to all the rich folks out there, “you know what fella’s? I think you’ve had enough fun. We’re just going to take your money now and give some of these poor folks a chance.”  Wait, sorry, that’s just communism.

 

I was at a nearby eatery the other day with my girlfriend and this dude comes strutting in with his parents and a girl that I later determined was his sister. They were seated at a table directly in front of me, so I can't help but notice this guy is fucking glued to his i-phone. His parents are saying shit to him and he's spouting out flippant answers while furiously texting away. The waitress came by and he gives his drink order in spurts, “...tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tappity... I'll....tappity tap ta-tap...uh.....tap tap..have..tap taptaptaptap...a.....tap tap....coke...tap tap...yeah, just a....uh...taptaptap.... coke.” This guy didn't even look at the waitress. After a while captain douche-bag put the thing away, but I've got to say, if I were his family I would've slapped him upside the head long before that.